Destiny Dates: Emotional Cheating

Over a year ago, I fell in deeply and madly lust.... with a man 9 years older than me. I met him on Hinge, the app meant for DeLeTIoN *insert spongebob meme*. You would think that after my 6,000th failed dating attempt that I would delete the app. But, I am still on this bitch looking for.. only god knows what.

I have been on dating apps since the age of 17 (SHHHH! Don't tell my mom) and I probably should take a very much needed break from them. But, I enjoy meeting new people. Honestly, I don't find 99% of men on the app attractive. But, I found one that I was totally simpin' over.

Honestly, I was AMAZED that a man his age was even the slightest bit interested in me. He worked a big boy job and promised me the world.

The first night that we ever facetimed, I was DEF love bombed, and I knew it too. I've been in therapy for over 5 years now. I know all the red flags and warning signs. I've even taken domestic violence courses in college. But, I like to "live my life" and I put myself in situations that I should DEF not be in, #real

I guess dating is my version of self harm LMFAO.

He and I were chit chatting, and he told me that he just went on a date with another woman but she "totally sucked." *WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLL* He told me that he liked nothing about her, and that she was super boring. He was like "yoooo, I wish I took you out instead ;)" Now, that I'm reflecting on it.. THAT'S SO FUCKED UP. This poor woman literally went out for a beer with this GROWN ASS MAN. He calls a 20 year old right after and talks shit for NO REASON.

Honestly, I knew it was super strange that he told me this. But, it made me feel good that he was bluntly telling me that he wasn't interested in another woman.. It totally inflated my ego.

We talk for a little bit longer and he told me that his family was going to take a cruise in about 6 months. He said that if things went well between us, he would take me with him. My 20 year old baby ass was BLOWN away. I was so impressed that this 29 year old man wanted to take me on a family vacayyyyyy.

I wasn't looking for a sugar daddy (NO SHADE) If you are into that GO ON W YOUR BAD SELF #real. I was looking for a PROVIDER. I thought that he would be just that.

We had a facetime sleepover that night. (Aww, how sweet *insert throw up emoji*). A few days go by and we are NON STOP texting. We decide that we are going to go to the beach on a picnic.

Sadly, it started raining. So, I ran to target and bought us a bunch of snacks and sparkling cider to put into wine glasses...LMFAO. (I couldn't buy wine at this point, because I was only 20) But, I wanted to be cute and aesthetic.

So, my DUMBASS, makes a picnic in my DORM ROOM. He came for maybe 20 minutes, but promised me he'd be right back.

When I first saw him, I thought he looked like a siemese cat. (I don't know how to spell siemese but I hope that's right). He was like ugly cute. He had 2 different colored eyes, a gap in between his teeth, and a bunch of tattoos. He was super skinny, white, and had GINORMOUS lips (he must've had some black in him because I'm black and my lips aren't even that big).

To me, he kinda resembled like a beat down version of Justin Bieber, but like kinda preppy business man vibes? He had bags under his eyes, and he looked like he had been through the RINGER of life. If you saw him, you'd be like "dayummmm she described him perfectly." He was like kind of ugly, but like not too ugly, and there was something kinda.. cute about him? #uglycute

He ended up coming back, we put a movie on my laptop (I didn't have a TV). He was SUPER touchy with me. He was rubbing my arms and my legs, which made me feel uncomfortable in the moment. I am not a super touchy person. I also didn't know this man, so I was overwhelmed. I eventually got comfortable and we were kissing and things got STEAMY.

LMFAOOOOOOO, at some point we were laying down and he noticed that I had a TINY PERIOS STAIN ON MY PANTS LMFAOOOOOOOO. That's so #embarr

He ended up staying the night. We wake up in the morning, and there's a text on his phone that's from a girl with a queen emoji next to her name. LMFAOOO and my name in his phone was "Destiny *insert my college acronym"

I only noticed because he was OPENLY texting her in my bed. Obviously, I was feeling jealous, and at the time, I didn't understand why he was texting her? Obviously, now that I have reflected, it was an attempt to break down my self esteem. He wanted me to know he had other "options." Sadly, it worked.

He left and we texted. A week went by, and I brought it up. He told me I was being crazy. I told him I couldn't talk to him again (GO ME!) and I went on about my business.

A day goes by and I post a video of me making a iced matcha latte on my instagram story. He watches it and he calls me (BOOO!) I pick up. He apologizes. He told me he talked to his brother, and that he decided he's not gonna talk to her anymore.

I decided I wanted to give it another shot.

The same day, he invited me to sleep over his place. At this point, we had only been sleeping at mine, which I thought was pretty weird considering he was 29. Like, if you have your own home... why you wanna sleep over a college students dorm????? I go over his plsce, layin' in his bed, and the door BUSTS OPEN. I AM CONFUSED ASFKKKKK. Bitch, guess what.......

HE LIVES WITH HIS DAD!!!!!!!!!!! *insert 3 crying laughing emojis* DUDE, HOW YO' ASS 29 AND YOU LIVE WITH YO' DAD?????? PUH-LEASSE.

I'm super fucking uncomfortable at this point, because I had no idea that this dude lived with his dad. He had been talking to me about all the money he makes, yadda yadda. (No wonder this dude was bragging about his money, he didn't pay for rent or basic normal living expenses....)

But, I digress. The relationship progressed, but it wasn't fantastic. He kept telling me that he didn't see a future with me and that he was keepin' it real. He told me we had no sexual chemistry. I caught him DMing girls multiple times.

Now, at this point, my self esteem is crushed. I became vengeful and wanted to make him feel the way he made me feel. I was hurting and I am NOT proud of what I did next. First, I want to say that I am NO angel. I am NO saint. Honestly, I do feel wrong about how I handled the situation. But, I didn't know any better.

So, I decided to text my ex boyfriend. He lived in the land of FAR FAR away. So, there was no way that we would be able to hook up, and I would have NEVER done that to my current "boyfriend". I wanted to weaponize ex boyfriend on my current partner.

I would tell him that my sex with my ex was a MILLION times better. I used this to hurt him. He made me feel like I wasn't enough. I wanted to make him feel the same way.

Over the next few months, we were off and on. We would argue, breakup, get back together. It was a continuous cycle of negativity.

Then, his birthday came up. I wanted to suprise him by planning a whole special day for him. So, I rented out a private area on the beach with a picnic company. The area we went to is known for having shark teeth, so I wanted to go shark tooth hunting with him. I also bought him a gold heart to go on his necklace.

I wear a gold cross and a heart daily. He just wore a cross and I wanted to match. (Aww, how cute! *22 throw up emojis*) When I suprised him, he was super happy. He told me that this was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for him. I wanted to make him feel loved.

Everything went smoothly that night, until we decided to go home. He posted a picture of the beach on his instagram. A million girls swiped up asking if he could take them. He decided to show me. One girl even sent him a nude, that he showed me as well. I felt heart broken and my self esteem was crushed.

I felt like I just did this sweet thing for him and he had to ruin it for me.

You would think that I would stop talking to him and end the relationship there. But, I was 20 and I relied pretty heavily on him at the time. He would bring me dinner, so I wouldn't have to cook. We just became super codependent on each other.

I decided that I wanted to give our relationship a fair chance. I stopped talking to my ex and I dedicated myself only to him. I was done with the games. I didn't want to hurt him anymore.

Again, we continued to be on and off. I would only "break up with him" when I caught him DMing other girls. I would go back when he apologized. We were just not meant to be together. But, at the time. I was so swept away.

In June, we finally broke up. I decided I had enough. I wanted to give our relationship a final attempt though. So, I planned an entire Harry Potter themed night for us. I decorated his bedroom, I got us a bunch of snacks, I really went all out. We also decided that we were going to go to the water park the next day.

When I woke up, there was something just not right. I could feel that he was emotionally cheating on me in my spirit. #trustyourintuition.

When I woke up, I pretended to sleep, but kept one eye open. He was openly texting a girl in front of my face... (WHAT THE HELL *16 fire emojis)

I know what you're thinking. "Destiny, you already knew that this was going to happen. It has happened a million times before." But, this time it was different... because it was his ex girlfriend. He told me he was "asking her for advice" about our relationship. Upon further investigation, he was doing that.. BUT, he was also taking things a little "toooooo far" and also messaging a bunch of other women on instagram.

Now, that I am typing this all out, I guess it is pretty hypocritical of me to be upset about him texting his ex, when I was texting mine in the beginning of our relationship. #selfreflection.

We ended and I started hanging out with my BEST friends in the whole wide world. They really helped me get over him and I am so beyond grateful.

But, in October, I slipped up. He asked to see me over the hurricane and I decided it would be a good idea. It didn't really end well... OBVIOUSLY.

A few more months went by and I have started moving on and healing. But, I still have residual feelings. I am still trying to work on my self esteem because it was so crushed. I still love him in a weird way I guess. But, it's definetly not the type of love that I want for my future. It's not the healthy love.

I recently just saw him at the bar when I was with a couple of my friends, which was really heart breaking. He decided to come up to me, and I didn't take it very well. I was also super drunk. But, it put me in my #feels and also he was DEFFFF trynna smash.

We decided that we were going to call on the phone and talk about our relationship. It didn't end too well. But, I was able to get some closure and that's why I am writing about this now.

I wanted to tell this story because you need to understand this wound to understand my other dating experiences. I also want to give you some advice on how to handle a relationship with emotional cheating.

I am not proud of my actions in this relationship. I don't want you to make the same mistakes that I have made because I can be #toxic too. I have learned from my mistakes.

Soooo here are my tips:

1. If you're in a situation like this.. GET OUT. Seriously. From the minute that you start feeling disrespected... just leave.

2. Make sure that you have healthy friends around you. It's so important to have a support system to keep you in check and make sure that you are doing okay.

3. Don't try to get revenge. Honestly, I have learned that the best thing that you can do his keep your dignity. Don't be desperate. Just, cry about it, look hot, and move on.

4. Don't let a man crush your self esteem. You're a bad bitch. You deserve the world.

OKAYYYY! I love you all. Have an amazing week!!! If you need anything, don't hesitate to reach out. You got this!