DESTINY'S DIVINE *HEALTHY* GUIDE TO GETTING OVER A TERRIBLY AWFUL EARTH SHATTERING HEARTBREAK

Hi my beautiful friends! <3

I am SOOO excited to write for you this week. I have only ever had one real "heartbreak" and I am excited to talk to you about it today. This topic is super vulnerable and a little nerve-racking for me to talk about. But, this is probably good for me.

STORY TIME (you can skip and get to the guide)

My sophomore year of college, I fell in love. The man I loved was my age, strong, confident, basketball player, and even had an accent ;). When I met him, I thought he would be my forever. He made me feel safe, something I wasn't really used to. He made me feel loved, which is something I also struggled with (and still do).

We would spend way too much time together, but we were "in love". He had just moved here from Scotland, he didn't know many people and I.... struggled with being alone (to me this is funny because I now struggle with hyper-independence, but that's another story for a different day). #igototherapy

There was definitely a lack of boundaries, but I was young and I hold grace for myself. I also didn't know what "love" really looked like. At the time, I confused "drama" with "intimate connection." I thought to connect, you needed to have turbulence. So, I did what I knew.

As I have gotten older, I have realized that I was severely mistaken. But, you make mistakes, you live, you learn.

Obviously, our relationship came to an end, hence why I am writing on this topic LMAOOOOOO. But, I'll always cherish the time we spent together, which, in the grand scheme of things, was pretty short. *giggles*

When I was going through this breakup, I really did NOT know how to be alone. I didn't know who I was. I wasn't able to identify my core values, (which I am aware of now) woohoo! That's on #growth.

When we broke up, it felt like my heart shattered into a million little pieces at my feet. I would wake up in the morning and my heart would SINK. I would go to bed at night, and I didn't think my heart was in my chest. My heart was genuinely broken. It was in actual pain.

Eventually, I realized I needed to put my big girl pants on and #heal. So I developed:

DESTINY'S DIVINE *HEALTHY* GUIDE TO GETTING OVER A TERRIBLY AWFUL HEARTBREAK

1. Go no contact for a while (or forever, if needed).

This was pretty tough for me at the time. At the time, my ex boyfriend was my best friend.I wanted to tell him every little thing that was going on in my life. This break up was tough because we didn't breakup because either of us were cheating. We broke up because we just were not good in a relationship together. So, it was a little tough for me to go no contact, but that's what needed to happen for my growth (and probably his).

2. Take yourself out on a date.

I was so nervous to take myself out. I was so used to other people taking me out on dates and stuff that I guess I forgot to take myself out and do things. I started taking myself out on adventures. At the time, I was living in Saint Augustine, Florida. So, I took myself to walk around the Fort de Castilo, which was something I had never done.

I self occupied. I went to a LOT of cafe's. I spent a lot of money on coffee. I read a lot of books. I realized that the pain didn't hurt as badly when my mind was in another world. It also fueled my imagination and helped me be an #educatedqueen.

3. Get busy! (go to a farmers market alone)

Obviously, you don't want to be so busy where you experience #burnout. But, the time that you would spend with your ex, spend learning about yourself. Try new things! During my heartbreak, I learned that I really enjoyed spending time with my friends. Honestly, I kind of forgot about my besties when I was dating my man. Being alone for a little made me realize that friendships are really important. My support system really helped me get over my ex-love.

I would also go the farmers market. I would like to look at all the breads that people spent time making. I would also like to look at the colors of the fruits. It made me super appreciative

4. Try not to use alcohol or other substances

I know the pain hurts so badly, but this is a reminder that pain is part of the human experience. It is our job to learn from this pain and grow. I've noticed that when I drink I typically put myself in situations that I shouldn't be in and I burn myself more. Drinking in moderation is fine, abusing it isn't.

5. Try to stay off the dating apps

I know some people say the best way to get over one someone is to get under another. But, I promise you that is only going to lead to destruction. Instead of getting your heart burned once, it's gonna get burned twice! (ouch)

The instant validation is SOOO nice. But, longterm, you deserve more.

6. Go to the gym

I didn't understand the purpose of the gym until after my breakup. My boyfriend (at the time) would encourage me to exercise, but, it really wasn't something that I was interested in. After we broke up, I felt a lot of emotions. I was angry, I was sad, I was happy, and I was scared.

When I was working out, I was able to think about all of the things that made me upset and I moved accordingly. If I was really angry I would lift weight. If I was sad, I would walk. If I was happy, I would dance. If I was scared, I would do yoga.

Since I have been working out, my body has grown and evolved. I am now able to lift more weight. At the time of my breakup, I really struggled with my eating. So, I started eating more. I put on more healthy weight and I look sooo much different! My body is now strong and healthy.

I also think that the best revenge is getting HOT. If you're a dude, get those muscles!!! If you're a girl, get that booty RIGHT.

7. Hang out with your besties!

Your besties know you so well. It's so good to have someone to talk to when you are going through tough times. I tell my best friend everything! I literally annoy her with all of my drama and nonsense. But, she always loves to hear it. Sometimes, she just listens. Sometimes, she gives advice.

I remember I was considering dating this guy that had no job, no car, no apartment. (WHAT WAS I THINKING!?) and my best friend reality checked me LMFAOOO. If I didn't get reality checked, I might be in a bad situation LMAO.

But, having a bestie to get you through that and protect you is sometimes what you need. If I didn't have her, I have NO IDEA where I would be.

8. Get connected to your spiritual self.

I got really connected to Christianity. But, you can get connected to WHATEVER you are. I listen to a Buddhist podcast sometimes called "secular buddhism" and the host explained to me that you can use Buddhism to become a better "whatever you are"

I started to develop my relationship with God. It can be shaky some week. Other weeks, I feel really connected to God. I really struggle with consistency. But, I have been trying for years. My breakup made me realize that there is importance for me to be with a Christian. I want to be with someone that practices the same faith as I do. My boyfriend (at the time) was atheist. That's totally okay, believe whatever you want to believe. But, for me, I want to be with someone who shares my core values and beliefs.

If you get really connected to Buddhism, go do it. If you are connected to yoga and tarot cards, go do it. If you're a Christian, you are more than welcome to come to church with me.

We all deserve to feel connected to our spirirtual self, and it is NOT my place to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. Get connected to something. My job, as your friend, is to LOVE and SUPPORT as who YOU are, and to see you as YOU.

9. Go to therapy (if needed)

A lot of people tell me that therapy "doesn't work for them" but you get what you give. I am an active participant in therapy. I have been going to 4 years, and I have made a lot of progress in my human experience. I do not think I would have made this progress if I wasn't in therapy.

I put in that work. I tap into the deepest parts of myself. I learn what parts of me need to be healed. I learn coping mechanisms in times of stress. I learn how to be gentle with myself. These are all things that I need.

If you got burned in a relationship, you need to heal. If you don't heal, you have the potential of causing other people harm. People do not deserve to be hurt because you are hurting. You deserve to heal and find real true love <3.

10. Apologize to your friends if you need to

Sometimes, you can't see clear if you are in an all-consuming relationship. If you ghosted your friends it may be time to APOLOGIZE. Try to get those connections back. I was in a situation where all of my friends were telling me to leave my boyfriend and I became VERY resentful. I thought they didn't want what was best for me. But, in actuality, they were trying to protect me. Sometimes, you need to apologize because you weren't a great friend.

After my breakup, I noticed the importance of being a good friend. I asked myself "how can you be a good friend?" and I realized that it is important to ask your besties how you can be a good friend to them!

Take time to be self-aware, apologize, and grow!

Okay friends, this is allllll I have for you this week. <3 I am sending you SO much love and light. Have a good week! (Podcast out tomorrow with a special guest!)