What it taste like ?

"Does my pussy taste weird?" "Is his tongue hurting?" "SHIT! There's no music playing and all I can hear is his breathing. Holy shit, I just want music playing. How do I make it normal and ask him to play music? Wait maybe I shouldn't ask? Is that weird? Okay, I am just gonna stay silent. Wait, but if I am silent then he's gonna think that I am not having a good time. Maybe, I should moan right now. *moan* FUCK. I could hear mucus in the back of my throat. He def heard it too. That's so nasty dude.... FUCK!"

I struggle with sex. It could be the -christian guilt-. It could be the fact that my mom was a young mom and I am TERRIFIED of being like her. It could be because I have anxiety. We could sit here for 45 minutes trying to decode what makes me struggle. But, it is an OVERALL uncomfy feeling.

I decided to think less about what was making me feel guilty and focus more on how to become comfortable with it.

Before I started having sex, I masturbated. So, I decided to revert strictly to masturbation. I didn't want to have the intention of just "reaching orgasm" to get it done and over with. I really wanted to take the time to truly understand why I enjoyed orgasming.

Obviously, shit feels good. DUH! But, I think it is an energy release. All the bad energy can leave your body. I decided I wanted to get comfortable with that energy.

So, I started to take masturbating seriously. I started by cleaning my room and putting on ambient lighting. I turned off the lights, lit a candle, and cranked up that meditation music. I really wanted the purpose of my masturbation session to be to exploring my body, rather than putting pressure on reaching orgasm. The intention was to discover what my body enjoys, rather than, getting that energy out ASAP. Instead, I wanted to play with that energy a little bit and discover how I can get comfortable with it.

I made sure to focus on my breathing. So, I practiced belly breathing as I traced my fingers along different parts of my secondary sensitive zones (my arms, my stomach, etc). I then gave myself a full body massage. Taking care of my feet and all of the places that needed to relieve tension.

After about 30 minutes, I decided to move to my primary sensitive zones (nipples, clit, etc). Again, the goal was not to orgasm. The intention was to get comfortable with my sexual energy. I incorporated my vibrator into this play, because it makes me feel good.

I practiced this type of masturbation for about a month. I masturbated less, but when I did, it was with intention.

I eventually felt comfortable having sex again. I met someone who I feel safe with and I knew that the experience would feel nice and that I would be able to be vulnerable with this person in a sexual setting. He makes me feel comfortable emotionally. So, I knew he would be a good sexual partner for me.

The first time we had sex, I was unable to orgasm, which left me feeling shameful and disappointed. I had been working on working with my sexual energy. So, when I didn't get the results I had been working toward, I felt upset.

But, we tried again, I was able to release my anxiety, and felt a million times better. My orgasm was AMAZING and it was one of the best sexual experiences I have had. We laughed together, cracked some inside jokes, smiled, and just embraced each others bodies.

If you are struggling with reaching orgasm through sex and having racing thoughts... my advice would be to try tantric masturbation!

Below is a step by step guide!

Can't wait to write to you next week!

Des

https://www.healthline.com/health/tantric-masturbation