Destiny Dates: A Dentist

Blog post 1

For the past year, I have been dating men that are significantly older than me. I am talking like 8-10 years. Listen, I am not hating. If you want to date an older man (or woman), GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF (periodt). But, in my experience, girl it's NOT worth the DRAMA. If someone is in their late 20s/early 30s, single, and looking to date someone 19, 20, or 21... there is probably a reason why.

I recently downloaded Hinge, "the app meant for deletion," or some shit like that. I've been on a few dates, but I recently found a man that I was attracted to. He was established in his career as a dentist, had beautiful brown skin, and light honey eyes.

We went on our first date and it was...okay. He didn't do anything spectacular that made me want to go out with him again. But, he paid for my kava and drove me to our destination. *YAWN* (the bare minimum). I found myself laughing, because he was humorous.

To my surprise, he asked me to kiss at the end of the night. I thought it was strange because we were not clicking on an intimate level. We were just chatting as friends.. ALSO, I have learned the ~golden rule~ .... NEVER KISS ON A FIRST DATE. So, I politely declined his offer to smooch.

About a week went by and he asked me to hang out again. We went to kava again and played cards. The conversation was fine, but I still was not feeling connected with him on an intimate level. He asked me to kiss again, to which I responded "no."

Another week went by, this time he asked me to dinner (WOW! Improvement *eyeroll*) He was fine and chatty. I asked him what he was looking for, to which he responded "short-term girlfriend, but I am open to long-term" Then, he asked me. I told him that I am just enjoying my life and going on dates. Then, he changed his answer to "oh ya! me too, I am just goin with the flow, but I would love to just get to know you more." Again, we didn't kiss.

We would chit chat throughout the week and he started to become adamant about kissing me and having sex with me, two things I was not ready for yet in our connection. He was not getting what he craved from me, which was intimacy and connection. He started to become desperate. Throughout the week he would make comments to me like "I don't understand why you don't want to take me seriously, I can offer you so much. I can take you on vacations, we can do cool stuff together."

I thought this was a little strange because I felt like he was trying to bribe me for my love. I had already been in a situation that was similar to this. I learned my lesson the first time.. I was not about to do it again.

A few days later called me and said "I am starting to lose interest in you because you won't have sex with me." Girls, let's take a second to ACTUALLY recognize what this 30 year old dentist said to me. WHAT THE FUCK?!

I told this man multiple times, I was not ready to kiss or become intimate because I have only been on 3/4 dates with him. I politely explained to him that he was feeling unwanted and he tried to make me feel the same way as him by projecting his emotions on me.

This man craved intimacy from me, I was not ready for that, he tried to push me into it, I said "no," and he tried to pressure me into having sex with him.

At this point, there were so many red flags, but I decided to give him a final chance. He invited me to his home where he would make dinner for me. I went over, he cooked dinner, played music, conversation was fine.

But, he told me he had sex with another woman 10 days ago... 4 days after our last date. I was EXTREMELY confused because he did not mention there was another woman in his life and we were very open with what our dating lives looked like. He told me that they had been seeing each other for 4 MONTHS. I asked if the girls knew about me, to which he replied "no." I discovered that this girl was around my age and also attended the university I go to... STRANGE.

I looked at him, politely said "this is not what I am looking for and i hope you receive what you deserve from this world" packed up my stuff and left. I didn't say anything hurtful, I was poised and elegant when I walked out.

After this experience, I found myself upset because I felt deceived. I also dedicated hours of my time to try to know this person, and time is the only thing you can't get back. But, I felt more upset for the young girl he had been seeing. This woman had been dedicating months of her time to this man and he couldn't even tell her that he was seeing other women.

I am really grateful that the short-lived relationship with this man and I came to a close. There are reasons why a man is 30, single, and not looking to start a life with someone...

The things that I learned from this connection that I think you should take on your journey

1. DON'T KISS ON THE FIRST DATE (in this situation, it was really easy for me to leave because I was not physically connected to him. I was able to peacefully cut my ties )

2. HOLD THE POWER (when you do not kiss a man or have sex with him on the first date, you are holding the power. There is no shame in kissing in that's what you want to do. But, in this situation, he became desperate for my body and I was able to see his true colors)

3. Leave with poise and grace (Don't hurt anyone on the way out. Just wish them what they deserve and move on to the next.. there are a million people in this world that would love to be with you. Don't settle).

HAVE AN AMAZING WEEK GIRLIES. REACH OUT IF YOU NEED ANYTHING! I will see you next week <3